Abducted By Ponies + To Be An Alien (aka Holy Crap It's Not Grimdark)

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Re: Abducted By Ponies + To Be An Alien (aka Holy Crap It's Not Grimdark)

Post  MC Dirty on Mon Nov 28, 2011 12:02 pm

Just as I expected. Never heard of the band or the song. Pretty sure we don't get that channel (Is it Discovery Channel? The tags seem to imply that.) either.

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Re: Abducted By Ponies + To Be An Alien (aka Holy Crap It's Not Grimdark)

Post  Sean Mirrsen on Mon Nov 28, 2011 12:22 pm

Well, whether you heard of it before or not, you have heard it now - so do you think the lyrics I made can be made better? Also, this probably doesn't belong here anymore (it didn't belong here from the start, but it kinda tied into the whole "to be an alien" thing), so maybe I should move it someplace?

Also, you don't have Discovery Channel?
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Re: Abducted By Ponies + To Be An Alien (aka Holy Crap It's Not Grimdark)

Post  Dsarker on Mon Nov 28, 2011 12:38 pm

Discovery channel? What's that?
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Re: Abducted By Ponies + To Be An Alien (aka Holy Crap It's Not Grimdark)

Post  Sean Mirrsen on Mon Nov 28, 2011 12:53 pm

Just out of curiosity, when are you going to add that facehoof smiley?

Because,

Alternatively,

And a few more:
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Re: Abducted By Ponies + To Be An Alien (aka Holy Crap It's Not Grimdark)

Post  MC Dirty on Mon Nov 28, 2011 4:30 pm

Ah, I really enjoyed the most recent part.
The way you handled the scene with Rainbow Dash was very good, I think. I also liked the dialogue with Rarity. It just fits so well since she's probably a huge romantic even after the Blueblood incident. Also, are you really that dextrous? I am pretty ham-handed, so I'm not sure, but Alex seemed to be a bit too good at what he's doing. Then again, you might be really good with your hands, so this is not really a complaint, just something I noticed.
What struck me as odd was how Alex seems to leave the scenes in the oddest moments, mainly in the middle of a conversation. It always seems to me like there's still a lot to talk about, but Alex is like "Yeah, I guess, kthxbye." Then again, that might be how you act in real life. I would probably just keep talking and talking. ^^
I noticed only one error, a jumbled sentence, and that's something that Rarity says near the end of the scene in the kitchen.
Slag wrote:“I’ll make tell you if I ever need help again.”
I think it's supposed to be "I'll make sure to tell you[...]".

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Re: Abducted By Ponies + To Be An Alien (aka Holy Crap It's Not Grimdark)

Post  Slag on Mon Nov 28, 2011 6:12 pm

I'm not one to talk a lot. Unless I'm invested in the conversation for some reason, I usually leave once I've heard what I want.

As for being dextrous, I'm not the most able-handed, but I have small fingers and a really good eye, so I can pull some pretty dextrous feats. It's not really that hard to pack boxes, anyway. Sewing's a little tougher, but easy enough once you learn how not to prick yourself.

And thanks for finding that. It's fixed.

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Re: Abducted By Ponies + To Be An Alien (aka Holy Crap It's Not Grimdark)

Post  Slag on Tue Nov 29, 2011 7:08 pm

More stuff done.

Forum needs to be marked 'new' if the last post is edited.

I'm completely self-conscious about my writing and I don't know if it will be any good, so feel free to yell at me using any method you please.

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Re: Abducted By Ponies + To Be An Alien (aka Holy Crap It's Not Grimdark)

Post  Slag on Wed Nov 30, 2011 7:30 pm

Well, it's over. Sort of. It's probably not the best ending, but it's what I came up with. If you have any suggestions for improvements or just want to scream obscenities at me for completely screwing up everything, you can do it here or you can comment on the doc itself.

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Re: Abducted By Ponies + To Be An Alien (aka Holy Crap It's Not Grimdark)

Post  MC Dirty on Wed Nov 30, 2011 9:46 pm

Now that it's finished, I don't have to be super-critical all the time. This pleases me greatly!

I absolutely loved that story! And the ending! I'm glad you didn't pull the "and then, he went back to his own world and was sad." which is how most Humans In Equestria stories generally end. Honestly, I find nothing to criticize about the ending. And I don't even have a vague feeling that there's something wrong with it or something. I genuinely loved it.

Oh, just one thing, you missed a quotation mark.
To Be An Alien wrote:She looked at the group. We’ve got to think of something.”

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Re: Abducted By Ponies + To Be An Alien (aka Holy Crap It's Not Grimdark)

Post  Slag on Wed Nov 30, 2011 11:11 pm

Well, that's good news. Glad you enjoyed it.

I'm kinda surprised that you're pretty much the only person who's been regularly reading it for the last few days, though. Of course, the entire forum hasn't seen too much activity, so I guess nobody's really on much.

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Re: Abducted By Ponies + To Be An Alien (aka Holy Crap It's Not Grimdark)

Post  MC Dirty on Wed Nov 30, 2011 11:17 pm

Slag wrote:Well, that's good news. Glad you enjoyed it.

I'm kinda surprised that you're pretty much the only person who's been regularly reading it for the last few days, though. Of course, the entire forum hasn't seen too much activity, so I guess nobody's really on much.
Well, I read pretty much everything pony-related that's been produced by Bay12-forumites (except gorn and really long stories). Gotta archive and tag all that stuff, after all.
That reminds me, I should probably get to splitting up 18+ and normal stuff now.

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Re: Abducted By Ponies + To Be An Alien (aka Holy Crap It's Not Grimdark)

Post  Debesh on Wed Nov 30, 2011 11:39 pm

*waves*
You did a great job, Slag. There's a very large bias against self-inserts due to rampant Sue-ism, and relationships with the mane cast even more so, but you handled it well. A thoroughly enjoyable read, for sure :D
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Re: Abducted By Ponies + To Be An Alien (aka Holy Crap It's Not Grimdark)

Post  Armok on Thu Dec 01, 2011 1:28 am

This was actual pretty sweet!
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Re: Abducted By Ponies + To Be An Alien (aka Holy Crap It's Not Grimdark)

Post  Slag on Thu Dec 01, 2011 6:48 pm

Wll, I've put ABP up on FiMFiction. Seems to be liked, considering it's got a 4.5 rating already.

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Re: Abducted By Ponies + To Be An Alien (aka Holy Crap It's Not Grimdark)

Post  Sean Mirrsen on Thu Dec 01, 2011 7:13 pm

I think the rather random and abrupt (not to mention slightly done-to-death) ending will hurt the fic's rating in the long run. And it'll probably raise a few eyebrows over on EqD as well. A little too silly. Well, silly is not a bad thing in and of itself, but the whole "and then X was an Y" is probably too memetic by now to be usable. Consider altering it a little? All I can think of at the moment is "and he lived happily ever after" though, so feel free to disregard my advice.
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Re: Abducted By Ponies + To Be An Alien (aka Holy Crap It's Not Grimdark)

Post  Flying Dice on Thu Dec 01, 2011 7:20 pm

But hey, it didn't become a suefic, unlike practically every self insert ever written.
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Re: Abducted By Ponies + To Be An Alien (aka Holy Crap It's Not Grimdark)

Post  Slag on Thu Dec 01, 2011 7:44 pm

I've improved the ending a bit and uploaded To Be An Alien as a second chapter.

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Re: Abducted By Ponies + To Be An Alien (aka Holy Crap It's Not Grimdark)

Post  Sean Mirrsen on Thu Dec 01, 2011 7:50 pm

Yeah, that's much better. I'll give it a thorough proofread for typos as soon as I carve out some time for it. Personally, I think this is the best thing you've written so far. Of the things I've seen, at least.
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Re: Abducted By Ponies + To Be An Alien (aka Holy Crap It's Not Grimdark)

Post  Slag on Thu Dec 01, 2011 7:54 pm

It's probably the best thing I've written so far that wasn't an essay, that's certain.

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Re: Abducted By Ponies + To Be An Alien (aka Holy Crap It's Not Grimdark)

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