PonyCraft: the New Order

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Re: PonyCraft: the New Order

Post  Flying Dice on Wed Dec 07, 2011 12:16 am

Armok wrote:I like Slags idea.

+1.
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Re: PonyCraft: the New Order

Post  Debesh on Wed Dec 07, 2011 12:36 am

Really? I thought that the brainwashing thing was always there. Well, time to fire up the wiki!
What it says is that all ghosts had dampeners implanted, which 'weakened and reshaped' their memories. Once Kerrigan escaped, they just all-out wiped it all and started form scratch. 'Few ghosts had any memories of their former lives, especially after memory wipes became standard operating procedure.' That implies that even before memory wipes, ghosts had altered memories via psychic dampeners. I'm imagining that ghosts at that point would have memories of their lives on Tarsonis removed and the ones form Equs altered, emphasizing their exile. With absolutely nothing but the Confederacy in their lives, they wouldn't be as likely to defect or escape. Combined with the brutal training they go through, I imagine Vinyl would indeed bring down her energetic nature.
Dampeners can be surgically removed, so once Vinyl gets herself ghostified, it's possible to remove it. IIRC, one of the Zerg missions has this as a central point, having Kerrigan get her own psychic dampener removed to unlock more of her potential power.

Of course, this is all speculation becaus eI haven't even gotten them off Equs yet :/
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Re: PonyCraft: the New Order

Post  Slag on Wed Dec 07, 2011 12:45 am

Well, keep writing. It's been amazing so far, even with so little action. I'm personally invested in the story already, and I'm sure the other forumnites are. You've done well.

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Re: PonyCraft: the New Order

Post  Debesh on Wed Dec 07, 2011 3:27 am

I'm glad you guys like it. It feels very bland to me, but I'll trust your judgement on the matter; you aren't the first to tell me it's good :D
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Re: PonyCraft: the New Order

Post  Emberflash on Wed Dec 07, 2011 3:39 am

See? You should trust me more often on these things. You're a far, far better writer than you think you are, mon cher.
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Re: PonyCraft: the New Order

Post  Flying Dice on Wed Dec 07, 2011 7:05 am

Agreed, this is shaping up really well. Now to stop procrastinating and start thinking about writing a 'Tavi fic instead of studying for finals or writing that research paper.
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Re: PonyCraft: the New Order

Post  Armok on Wed Dec 07, 2011 3:16 pm

I'd complain the AU of the eyes was unrealistic, if they weren't on a talking multicoloured unicorn.
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Re: PonyCraft: the New Order

Post  Debesh on Wed Dec 14, 2011 8:32 pm

@Armok
I love hard sci-fi a lot, but it's hard to have a fun science fiction universe without breaking a few universal laws. If you want to complain about anything, talk about the shields and psi-blades the Protoss have :p

Now, the first rule of writing is that you cannot waste your reader's time, and I feel like I was doing that with the whole 'Vinyl gets shot' thing, so I axed the last part of part two. Have some story to make up for it.

PonyCraft: Part Three:

"You owe me a rave for this, Octy," Vinyl muttered. The two mares had just walked into the ballroom, and the intimidating sight of dozens of frilly, stuck-up nobles greeted them.
"Octavia," the mare in question hissed back. "Please, just sit through this. Fancypants himself asked about you! He's one of the most influential ponies in high society!"
Vinyl sighed. "Fine, fine. But you owe me."
"Alright. Behave yourself, please, while I try to find Fancypants in this mess." With those words, Octavia slipped away, leaving Vinyl alone. She would have let out a melodramatic sigh, but nopony would have noticed, so she set out to find out if there were any snacks at this party. She got a few odd looks; unlike Octy, she wasn't wearing any dresses or anything. Even her usual shades were absent, although they were hardly needed anymore.
Probably look like a tramp that wandered in, Vinyl thought to herself. But she ignored the looks in favor of her prey; the snack bar. Helping herself to a plate of pastries that her eyes identified as 'starfruit rolls,' she looked around the room. Much too high-class for her; she had no idea why Octy insisted on dragging her to parties where she was out of her element like this. Already bored, she started listening to the conversations around her; a trio of ponies near her caught her attention.
"...shut them all down," a stallion was saying to a pair of mares. "All they're doing is helping criminals get the upper hoof on honest police ponies who refuse to mutilate themselves in a similar fashion!"
One of the mares replied heatedly. "That's just silly! There's many ponies who are benefiting from enhancements every day!" Ah, Vinyl thought to herself, That's what they're talking about.
"How many ponies would benefit from getting carved up and put together again?" the stallion retaliated. "Nothing is worth the price of that!"
"I agree," the third mare put in. "The thought of having a machine put inside me is just disturbing! I don't know how anypony can stand it!"
Vinyl mentally shrugged; ponies were allowed their own opinions, after all. She was about to hunt down some more snacks before she was approached by a white unicorn in a fancy coat. At his side was a tall, almost lanky pink mare; the two were Fancypants and Elizabeth, according to her eyes.
"Hello, miss," he said. "I don't belive we have met."
"Vinyl Scratch," she said, offering a hoof.
"Ah, Octavia's friend!" the unicorn said with a smile, shaking hooves. "I am Fancypants and this is Elizabeth; we are both friends of Octavia, and I've heard quite a bit about you. I must say, I'm impressed at how far you've taken yourself without any formal education in the musical field."
"Ah, it's not much," Vinyl said with a dismissive wave of her hoof. "I'm just a local DJ; it's fun and all, just nothing fancy."
"Even so, I can see a lot of promise in you and your career, Ms. Scratch," Fancypants said with a smile. "You have quite the future ahead of you, I can tell." He was distracted by something behind Vinyl; turning around, she saw Octavia weaving through the crowd towards them.
"Hey, Octy!" Vinyl shouted, waving a hoof and drawing a few stares from nearby ponies. Octavia visibly winced, and as she came withing talking range she shot Vinyl a glare.
"Hello, Fancypants. I see you met Vinyl; did she behave herself?"
"Indeed she did," Fancypants replied with a chuckle. "We were just talking about Ms. Scratch's musical career."
Octavia rose an eyebrow. She opened her mouth to say something before shouting from outside interrupted her and everypony in the ballroom. Heads turned towards the double doors and angry muttering replaced the conversation around them. After a few moments, ponies started to turn back to their conversations.
The doors burst open, kicked by a terrifying stallion. He was brown, with red hair and an enhanced leg, but none of that was terribly abnormal. What really scared Vinyl was his eyes, bloodshot orbs that didn't hold any intelligence at all. The stallion was snarling like some kind of animal, and everypony near the doors fled into the ballroom, screaming wildly.
The feral pony snapped at the air, saliva dripping form his jaw. He eyed the panicked nobles around him warily, maybe even hungrily. He took a step towards the massed nobles, who shrank away even further, then let out an inpony screech and launched himself at the nearest pony. Vinyl watched as the feral pony sailed through the air; she was certain the cowering noble was doomed before a bolt of soft pink light struck the attacking stallion in the chest. Elizabeth stepped forwards in a fighting stance, legs out wide and horn charging up another attack. As the feral pony tried to stand up, he was hit in the face by another bolt of pink energy and fell to the ground.
"Thank you, Elizabeth," Fancypants said; the pink mare nodded, then called out in a soft voice.
"Would somepony call the police?" A nearby noble pulled out a small phone, and after a few button presses had two officers coming to secure the subdued madpony. Vinyl eyed Elizabeth in a new light; if pressed, she would have put the mare down as a simple-minded model or something, not somepony trained in combat magic.
"I'm sorry, my dears, but I'm going to have to reassure the guests," Fancypants said to Vinyl and Octavia. "I do hope you had a good time tonight; it was a pleasure, Ms. Scratch." Vinyl nodded at the noble and his bodyguard as they went to comfort the other guests.
"I've been to worse," Vinyl said idly to Octavia. "Entertainment was good." Octavia sighed.
"You have no sense of tact, Vinyl. At least nopony was hurt by that madpony."
"Yeah, that wouldn't have been fun. Where does someone that crazy come from, anyway? It's not like there are ponies roaming the streets, holding on to sanity by a thread or something."
"I have no idea, Vinyl, but I doubt it's anything more than coincidence." Vinyl wasn't really convinced, but she shrugged. Just some random madpony, she thought to herself. But there was still something about him that disturbed her; maybe it was his eyes, or the feral way he had acted, but no matter what it was, Vinyl felt uneasy thinking about it. Thankfully, Octavia seemed to sense how unnerved Vinyl was.
"How about we go to Deja Vu? I heard that they have a new manager." The wine bar was actually halfway decent, if Vinyl recalled correctly; it would probably be more fun than staying here, at any rate. Many of the nobles that had shown up were leaving now, throwing worrisome glances at the unconscious stallion sprawled on the ballroom floor.
"Sounds like a plan."

[/&\]

Vinyl slowly came to, taking her time getting out of bed. A sudden chill went through her body, and she realized she wasn't under any blankets. Rolling over and opening her eyes, she saw Octavia wrapped up in a cocoon of blankets and sheets. With a groan, she rolled off the bed and wandered into Octavia's kitchen for something to eat. As she rummaged through the fridge for something that had less than three steps to prepare, she turned on the small monitor installed on the counter, being sure to turn the volume down.
"...herself addressed the issue this morning," the news anchor was saying. Vinyl threw a quick glance at the time: 1:38. "For those of you that missed it, we have the entire speech recorded." The screen was filled with the image of Princess Celestia in all her radiant beauty standing before a large crowd at the Canterlot Palace.
"Over the past week," she began, her clear voice carrying clearly despite the distance between her and the camera, "A criminal organization calling themselves the Equites ex Machina have attacked several locations, including banks and museums. Many ponies are worried about the organization's focus on cybernetic enhancement and the advantage it has given them over local police. They have proven themselves a threat beyond what local law enforcement can be expected to handle, and so I am giving the Royal Guard responsibility for handling the situation." There were several relieved murmurs form the crowd. Vinyl finally dug out a loaf of whole-wheat bread and tossed a few slices in a toaster, then turned to focus on the speech.
"The more alarming issue has grown over the past few days," the Princess continued. "Twenty-eight ponies have all, without displaying any symptoms or warning signs beforehoof, gone completely insane, attacking ponies near them until subdued. The only thing these ponies have in common is that they have year-old cybernetic enhancements; this makes them some of the first ponies to receive commercial enhancements. The implications of this have alarmed many ponies, and with good reason, but I must ask that ponies avoid taking matters into their own hooves! I have a team of Equestria's best scientists and magicians looking into the matter as we speak, and hopefully they will be able to give us some answers. Until then, everypony remain calm; the riots from several days earlier only served to futher the chaos and misunderstandings, so please remain civil about the matter. I promise you all that I will make everything the team discovers public knowledge, and that I will act in Equestria's best interests, no matter what the results are. Thank you." The Princess turned away from the crowd and entered the palace, ignoring the questions excited reporters were shouting at her.
For her part, Vinyl was scared and had plenty questions herself. Thirty ponies had suddenly snapped and turned into feral monsters over the past few days. Vinyl shuddered, remembering the bloodshot eyes... and the enhanced leg the stallion had.
No need to jump to conclusions, Vinyl thought as she crushed the fear growing in her. Celestia is working on it; they'll find out what's happening long before anything happens to you. And there were so many unknown variables that there was little reason to panic; the only certain thing was that some ponies had gone insane and that they all had enhancements from when the Enhancement Centers first became open to the public. Maybe only the old ones caused this, or maybe it was all some freaky coincidence. Vinyl took a deep breath, and let it out in a sigh. Everything would be fine. She put her cold toast back in the toaster for a moment and began the hunt for some normal-looking jam.

Hopefully you guys can see where this is going. I hope I'm doing it right; I don't want to hit you over the head with just how damn serious this all is or make it seem like cyborg hate groups sprang out of the dirt one day.

The first post also has every part of the story; should make it easier for you to keep track of, MC.

And finally, in somewhat related news, this is fucking awesome. The other two are mediocre, but FlutterMedic is so adorable.
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Re: PonyCraft: the New Order

Post  MC Dirty on Wed Dec 14, 2011 8:40 pm

I found this part in my archive which, for some reason, isn't in the OP. What happened to it?
Ponycraft: Part ???:
Three nights later, Vinyl finished her shift at the club with a flourish, putting together a lightshow to go along with the music. As was her habit, she left through the back door and out into the alley; it really wasn't worth the effort to push through the huge crowds to leave through the front door.
As she turned to walk down her usual path, however, a rough voice floated out from behind one of the dumpsters.
"How do you like that, cyberpony bitch?" The voice was accompanied by a crunch and a whimper of pain.
"What's going on out there?" Vinyl called out loudly. She wasn't going to walk away from somepony in need, and it sounded like some thugs had gotten a hold of a poor pony back there.
A greasy stallion jumped out from behind the dumpster. He was wearing a leather jacket and his chest was covered in specks of blood.
"Walk away if you know what's good for you," he growled. Vinyl didn't back down, glaring back at the thug. "I'm calling the cops if you don't run away right now," she threatened. Her eyes had already identified the pony; his name was Tundra, something she'd be reporting no matter what happened right now. Her eyes helpfully marked the nearest police station, an arrow appearing in the corner of her eye.
"We'll take you down too, bitch," Tundra growled. When Vinyl didn't budge, he muttered something; Vinyl could see his lips move. A second pony jumped out from behind the dumpster; Vinyl didn't have time to register anything more than the fact that he was a stallion and holding a gun before he shot.
Vinyl felt like she was hit by a hammer. She was on the ground before her panicked mind registered anything, and she could barely breathe. A door slammed open and ponies started shouting; several ponies started running, hooves clopping against the concrete. Voices; somepony was talking to her, and a face appeared in her vision.
"Hey, miss, can you hear me?" Vinyl nodded weakly. "Good. I need you to stay awake, can you do that? You're in shock, and if you fall asleep now you won't wake up. An ambulance is on the way." Vinyl simply nodded again and struggled to stay awake. She had no idea how long it was before the sirens of an ambulance could be heard, but she was awake when somepony picked her up onto a stretcher. An oxygen mask was placed over her muzzle and she drifted off.

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Re: PonyCraft: the New Order

Post  Debesh on Wed Dec 14, 2011 8:43 pm

Debesh wrote:Now, the first rule of writing is that you cannot waste your reader's time, and I feel like I was doing that with the whole 'Vinyl gets shot' thing, so I axed the last part of part two. Have some story to make up for it.
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Re: PonyCraft: the New Order

Post  MC Dirty on Wed Dec 14, 2011 8:56 pm

Debesh wrote:
Debesh wrote:Now, the first rule of writing is that you cannot waste your reader's time, and I feel like I was doing that with the whole 'Vinyl gets shot' thing, so I axed the last part of part two. Have some story to make up for it.
God damnit, how did I miss that?
Guess I'm just on "SCAN->COPY->PASTE" mode whenever I see any updates on fanfics. That's what I get for archiving them all. ^^

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Re: PonyCraft: the New Order

Post  Slag on Wed Dec 14, 2011 8:59 pm

Shit's getting serious.

The issue is the fact that Celestia's still in power and is obviously a benevolent leader. There's little reason she's going to just kick all the cyborg ponies out of her own accord. In all honesty, she'd probably fight against any measure that could harm the cyborg ponies. It's going to take some really bad stuff happening before she just approves shipping a bunch of folks to god-knows-where.

In other news, I have a feeling that the 'ferals' were tampered with, perhaps hackers exploiting security weaknesses in older cybernetic models.

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Re: PonyCraft: the New Order

Post  MC Dirty on Wed Dec 14, 2011 9:06 pm

Oh, almost forgot!

HAVE A LINK

It should never change, as far as I know. Or at least I hope so.

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Re: PonyCraft: the New Order

Post  Debesh on Wed Dec 14, 2011 9:09 pm

Plot Spoiler, Just in Case:
The way it's going, Celestia will be put in a hard place; she has lots of unstable cyborgs running about that could go insane at any moment, and she'll have a lot of pressure from pretty much everypony else to do something about the issue. When ponies start overreacting and begin to kill cyborgs on the streets, she has to choose to continue to defend innocent ponies or get rid of a minority for the greater good.
Then, some eccentric genius shows up with a third option, and she decides to take it. All the cyborgs live, !!SCIENCE!! is performed, and everypony on Equs breathes a sigh of relief.

Also, this is absolutely nothing other than a completely legitimate threat to the normal members of Equestria's society! The cyborgs must go!

And MC, know that your work is appreciated by all.
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Re: PonyCraft: the New Order

Post  MC Dirty on Wed Dec 14, 2011 9:21 pm

Debesh wrote:And MC, know that your work is appreciated by all.
I know it is. You in particular told me about four times. Praise is nice and all, but you don't need to remind me constantly.

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Re: PonyCraft: the New Order

Post  Slag on Wed Dec 14, 2011 9:27 pm

But we do! Your job is a sacred and powerful one, and by Celestia's decree we must shower you in praise until one day you drown in it and another takes your place!

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Re: PonyCraft: the New Order

Post  Debesh on Wed Dec 14, 2011 9:32 pm

Hmm... Can I decrease my 'praise' count by insulting you instead? I'll lower it to an acceptable number, in that case.
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Re: PonyCraft: the New Order

Post  Necro910 on Wed Dec 14, 2011 9:36 pm

Debesh wrote:Hmm... Can I decrease my 'praise' count by insulting you instead? I'll lower it to an acceptable number, in that case.
Spoiler:
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Re: PonyCraft: the New Order

Post  Emberflash on Thu Dec 15, 2011 2:43 am

Finally caught up on PonyCraft, after a four-day absence. Excellent job on the third part!
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