Because I don't trust life advice and want a different opinion.

View previous topic View next topic Go down

Because I don't trust life advice and want a different opinion.

Post  Rozy on Wed Dec 14, 2011 11:35 am

I'm finding myself ending up in a particular rut over and over again. It's infuriating.

Whenever I talk to someone seriously I realise I always want to be that friend. The one that does the brightening up of days. The one that's anticipated to be available. The one everyone wants to talk to and do stuff with. And whenever I feel that little ideal of myself I hold is threatened I get absolutely FURIOUS at whoever shook it or disproved it.

What's wrong with me? Is it jealousy? Am I just clingy? Am I being a bad friend or is this something I can work out? What do I do? What do I say? What should I do or think or...

I don't really know. I'm seriously worried I'm going to hurt someone by snapping at them and saying something terrible.
avatar
Rozy
Pony
Pony

Posts : 25
Pony Pals : 1980
Friendship Lessons : 0
Join date : 2011-11-19
Age : 30
Location : Texas

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Because I don't trust life advice and want a different opinion.

Post  Dsarker on Wed Dec 14, 2011 12:16 pm

First, establish the problem/situation. In this case, your problem appears to be being quick to anger when someone tells you that you aren't who you think you are. Am I right?

Second, establish why you think this is happening. From what I can get from your post, you appear to be having a hard time releasing stress. Is this correct?


Once you've established the major cause, you can work on fixing that. Unfortunately, I don't have any ideas for that.


I'll leave you with a quote from my favourite author about this very topic.

“There is a darkness in you. In all of us, probably. Beasts we keep chained. Ordinary men have to keep the chains strong, for if we let the beast loose then society will turn upon us with fiery vengeance. Kings though...well, who is there to turn upon them? So the chains are made of straw. It is the curse of kings, Helikaon, that they can become monsters. And they invariably do.”
avatar
Dsarker
BANNED

Posts : 542
Pony Pals : 2915
Friendship Lessons : -9
Join date : 2011-11-19
Age : 24

Pony Profile
Name: Dsarker
Spells:
Experience:
99999/100000  (99999/100000)

View user profile http://mylittleponyforum.infodiscussion.com

Back to top Go down

Re: Because I don't trust life advice and want a different opinion.

Post  Armok on Wed Dec 14, 2011 1:59 pm

Applebuck season?
avatar
Armok
Second-Class Citizen Pegasus
Second-Class Citizen Pegasus

Posts : 326
Pony Pals : 2342
Friendship Lessons : 0
Join date : 2011-11-19

Pony Profile
Name:
Spells:
Experience:
10/10  (10/10)

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Because I don't trust life advice and want a different opinion.

Post  Flying Dice on Wed Dec 14, 2011 7:14 pm

I'll admit, I've felt similar desires to be the reliable friend, but I cut it off early on by admitting to myself that I'm not always going to be able to help my friends with whatever they need, and that I'm not selfless enough to want to. I'm no shrink, so take my advice with a hefty handful of salt, but I'd recommend just trying to be helpful, cheery, etc. without actively endeavouring to make yourself into someone like that. Just let it come naturally, because regardless of whether or not you are actually able to be that friend, trying to force it won't end well. There isn't anything wrong with you; it is completely natural for humans to want to be admired and accepted by people they care about. The fact that you want your friends to look at you in a good light is not negative at all, you just need to address how you handle this.
avatar
Flying Dice
Badmin
Badmin

Posts : 1757
Pony Pals : 4249
Friendship Lessons : 2
Join date : 2011-11-19
Age : 24
Location : Somewhere, surrounded by meth labs.

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Because I don't trust life advice and want a different opinion.

Post  Rozy on Wed Dec 14, 2011 7:40 pm

Well it's not like I snap at them or anyone. Just it's kind of an overwhelming feeling of "NO YOU HAVE TO BE THIS" whenever something happens.

First, establish the problem/situation. In this case, your problem appears to be being quick to anger when someone tells you that you aren't who you think you are. Am I right?

Second, establish why you think this is happening. From what I can get from your post, you appear to be having a hard time releasing stress. Is this correct?

The first part is about right. On the second though it doesn't really have anything to do with stress I think. Maybe more with acceptance. Since Ill admit I'm always Terrified to lose the friends I DO have as of right now.
avatar
Rozy
Pony
Pony

Posts : 25
Pony Pals : 1980
Friendship Lessons : 0
Join date : 2011-11-19
Age : 30
Location : Texas

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Because I don't trust life advice and want a different opinion.

Post  Slag on Wed Dec 14, 2011 7:47 pm

You seem to be a bit too... connected to this ideal of yourself. You shouldn't be getting anywhere near 'furious' about not being who you want to be. You might consider trying to reshape your opinion of yourself. As to how, I have no idea. You might want to talk to a professional.

_________________
The humble terror lurking beneath the threads...
avatar
Slag
Delusional Alicorn
Delusional Alicorn

Posts : 1364
Pony Pals : 4069
Friendship Lessons : 8
Join date : 2011-11-19
Age : 23
Location : America

Pony Profile
Name: Cherry Pop
Spells:
Experience:
69/99  (69/99)

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Because I don't trust life advice and want a different opinion.

Post  Flying Dice on Wed Dec 14, 2011 9:45 pm

Slag wrote:You seem to be a bit too... connected to this ideal of yourself. You shouldn't be getting anywhere near 'furious' about not being who you want to be. You might consider trying to reshape your opinion of yourself. As to how, I have no idea. You might want to talk to a professional.

For all the problems I have with them, this is still probably the best way to deal with it.
avatar
Flying Dice
Badmin
Badmin

Posts : 1757
Pony Pals : 4249
Friendship Lessons : 2
Join date : 2011-11-19
Age : 24
Location : Somewhere, surrounded by meth labs.

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Because I don't trust life advice and want a different opinion.

Post  Rozy on Wed Dec 14, 2011 9:48 pm

I'm going to speak to a professional on Friday. Since my therapist isn't available till then because of Christmas obligations. I kinda just wanted an opinion from some others first though. I like to get as wide as an insight to problems as I can usually.
avatar
Rozy
Pony
Pony

Posts : 25
Pony Pals : 1980
Friendship Lessons : 0
Join date : 2011-11-19
Age : 30
Location : Texas

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Because I don't trust life advice and want a different opinion.

Post  Zangi on Thu Dec 15, 2011 3:53 am

Perception is a strong thing. Like an idol, in japan, the godlike perception that you have built up of that person can make ya feel dissatisfied and angry when that perception is broken.
Well expectations/perception. In this case, of yourself.

Considering it, it is probably something hard to shake off, especially when you mentally keep trying to prop that perception up, which it seems like you are doing. But, shedding that perception may create a void that needs to be filled.
It may go easier if to try to find a different... persona that you won't feel bad about being, heck, something you can 'respect' as much as your 'nice person' perception. Either way, not an easy thing to change...

Yea, another way of saying it is soul searching and all that spiritual stuff, find yourself and all that.


I'd probably expect to see this in B12 Life Advice instead of here... but I suppose the audience is about the same, minus a lot of people...
avatar
Zangi
Second-Class Citizen Pegasus
Second-Class Citizen Pegasus

Posts : 458
Pony Pals : 3009
Friendship Lessons : 7
Join date : 2011-11-19

Pony Profile
Name: Sandy
Spells:
Experience:
1/1  (1/1)

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Because I don't trust life advice and want a different opinion.

Post  Rozy on Thu Dec 15, 2011 4:17 am

The long and short of it is I stuck it here since comparatively, I feel there's more people that would of taken the topic seriously.

Really though it's been a help. I especially like how you put it Zangi. I feel I can relate to that explanation. I'm still going friday since I have a sorta appointment and everything already and it's better to get someone more skilled on it too.

Really though this has been useful, it gives me more to talk over when I go to her. So thanks guys.
avatar
Rozy
Pony
Pony

Posts : 25
Pony Pals : 1980
Friendship Lessons : 0
Join date : 2011-11-19
Age : 30
Location : Texas

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Because I don't trust life advice and want a different opinion.

Post  Zangi on Tue Dec 20, 2011 11:42 pm

Been a few days since, I'm interested, how did it go? That is if you are willing to speak more of it.
avatar
Zangi
Second-Class Citizen Pegasus
Second-Class Citizen Pegasus

Posts : 458
Pony Pals : 3009
Friendship Lessons : 7
Join date : 2011-11-19

Pony Profile
Name: Sandy
Spells:
Experience:
1/1  (1/1)

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Because I don't trust life advice and want a different opinion.

Post  drilltooth on Wed Dec 21, 2011 1:04 am

a week late, I know, but, Do be willing to accept that pinkie-pie style isn't always the approach you need. (at least, you seem to be coming across as pinkie pie in your post.) I dunno, I kinda suck at advice, but, that's my observation of the subject. make of it what you will.. and do rember, alhtough the internet isn't really that anonymous, odds are, we're not going to put that much effort into finding you, if you feel like talking.

drilltooth
Pony
Pony

Posts : 24
Pony Pals : 1977
Friendship Lessons : 0
Join date : 2011-11-19

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Because I don't trust life advice and want a different opinion.

Post  Rozy on Wed Dec 21, 2011 1:27 am

Well actually I'm not entirely sure what was being referred to as pinkie pie style. But generally, I like to talk out issues with people, knowing them well or not. It gives me more perspectives and things to bring in on my appointments, which I find helps me out.

Anyway I came back with a better understanding of needing to keep a more sturdy image of myself. Since really, just because something makes me feel like less of the friend I wanna be doesn't make me so. I can still be that friend and I don't need to blow up on anyone or myself over it since then I'm LETTING myself be the bad friend in the equation.

But still guys, thanks for listening.
avatar
Rozy
Pony
Pony

Posts : 25
Pony Pals : 1980
Friendship Lessons : 0
Join date : 2011-11-19
Age : 30
Location : Texas

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Because I don't trust life advice and want a different opinion.

Post  Flying Dice on Wed Dec 21, 2011 7:50 am

Glad to hear that you're working through things.
avatar
Flying Dice
Badmin
Badmin

Posts : 1757
Pony Pals : 4249
Friendship Lessons : 2
Join date : 2011-11-19
Age : 24
Location : Somewhere, surrounded by meth labs.

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Because I don't trust life advice and want a different opinion.

Post  Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum